Thursday, May 24, 2012

The Only Answer


Assalamualaikum



Almost 2.00 a.m and my mata doesn't give any signal for any sign to fall asleep. People ask many question and give no answer when it's come for no reason. 

Diam! 

Misalnya, when you feel like breaking down or crashing in, who do you turn to, to forgive your sin? The answer is very simple. The only one we have is ALLAH. The greater and good listener. 

And when you cried your lonely tears, who will be there to fight your fears? The answer is "myself". Sebab siapa lagi yang akan manjakan diri sendiri kalau diri sendiri terluka dan bersedih hati. Selain Allah, kita cuma ada diri sendiri untuk bangun dan rebah. But now I am not going to trust myself anymore. I hate myself. But I love my very Allah. Hm. 

And when it feels like no one would understand,who was there to hold your hand? And of cause my answer is simple and deem. My only mother, she pretend to be so close with me however she is. And my friends.

Why me so serabut? Why? Penat lah dengan semua yang berada di sekeliling aku. Kenapa bukan orang lain yang di uji? Kenapa bukan orang lain? Please tell me why? I am really and crazy tired! Wahai orang sekeliling aku, sila faham. Aku bukan senang menyatakan perkara yang boleh buat kalian bahagia, Tetapi aku berusaha untuk buat anda lebih bahagia. 

Serabut! Solat istikarah ke tak ni? Solat ke tak? Sungguh! Aku sendiri gerun dengan keputusan yang bakal aku peroleh. Bantu aku! My weakness is my family. I just wanna be alone tapi okay, tak payah nak alone sangat kan? 

Penat, give up, no idea, pasif, diam, takut and macam-macam lagi itu semua aku. Semua aku. I drug to feeling down with my bad attitude. 

Why didn't anyone understand me? Mama, I need you. Kalau tak payah jadi kuat untuk 4 bulan pertama boleh tak? Boleh ke tak kalau nangis semahunya sampai tertidur atas kertas-kertas assignment? Boleh tak? I need your answer and please mum don't ask me why. I need my space to be really okay.

I can't move on with my own. But I just can say, I try. Just to failed. 

I have 4 days more to go. I am waiting and always waiting. Jadi pelajar University bukan susah tapi buat assignment sangat susah bagi aku. Bangun tidur dengan assignment. I grab my heart and potong halus-halus bagi jerung makan. 

The past is not real but wasting. Loser! To be a boxer, isn't it good to have a punch that would send them flying. If I'm not going to hit straight blow,  then do not play the game. What to do? I prefer to advance. Not bunuh diri. 

Bye








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